Musings

I have so much in my heart right now

and don't know what to make of it. 

I've thought a lot lately.

And not just about simple things. 

Well, maybe they are the most simple things-

but I just make them intricate and massive.

I tend to get in a certain type of "mood"

when I watch old or timeless romantic movies.

Or movies that get to me. 

The ones that make you think 

and remember things you didn't even 

know you knew.

My husband will tell you that his wife

doesn't like to be disturbed when watching

a film or show. 

If you talk?

I kill.

If you hurt the sacredness of the movie?

Watch out. 

Haha, but seriously. 

Films will get my mind turning...

and my heart turns, too. 

And my whole world just swims

with wanting to get it all out.

Or go exploring.

Or run away to Paris and just 

LIVE.

My mother once told me

I was a bird that was never meant to be in a cage.

I was to always fly free;

free to spread my wings

and breathe in the fresh air

that this beautiful world has to offer.

I think she's right. 

I am a free spirit. 

I love to dance. 

I love to sit on the curb  and watch

the sunset.

I love to lay on the cool grass and just dream.

Dream of places I'd go.

The life I've had.

I think of people

and the beauty of their complexity

and good graces. 

I think of the divine hand that 

He

has in all of this. 

How he guides my life.

And doesn't want me to be in a cage, either.

Oh, to live.

I've learned in the last little while, 

that I make that choice. 

I choose to live. 

It is up to me to have a good attitude.

To make the changes that need to be made. 

Sometimes....maybe...

I've pointed a finger or two. 

Saying that I'm the one who is hurt.

Why should I make the effort

to make things right?

But.

There's every reason why I should. 

That's how it's supposed to be.

It's a grand design that all of us

forget too often. 

I, forget. 

Really?

I am so much happier when 

I am a big girl and

GO TO WORK.

Not expect someone else 

to make my life better.

Have you ever thought of how wonderful

the ability to choose is?

The ability to feel pain and grief...

and joy and happiness?

Oh, the joy to feel pain.

Ha ha. 

YOU think I'm crazy.

But it's true.

For pain brings

the ability to know

GLORIOUS

JOY.

----

Thank you, 

page,

for letting my thoughts

find a place to rest, tonight. 

Yours, 

Ally