I have so much in my heart right now
and don't know what to make of it. 

I've thought a lot lately.

And not just about simple things. 
Well, maybe they are the most simple things-
but I just make them intricate and massive.

I tend to get in a certain type of "mood"
when I watch old or timeless romantic movies.
Or movies that get to me. 
The ones that make you think 
and remember things you didn't even 
know you knew.

My husband will tell you that his wife
doesn't like to be disturbed when watching
a film or show. 

If you talk?
I kill.

If you hurt the sacredness of the movie?
Watch out. 

Haha, but seriously. 

Films will get my mind turning...
and my heart turns, too. 

And my whole world just swims
with wanting to get it all out.

Or go exploring.

Or run away to Paris and just 

My mother once told me
I was a bird that was never meant to be in a cage.

I was to always fly free;
free to spread my wings
and breathe in the fresh air
that this beautiful world has to offer.

I think she's right. 

I am a free spirit. 
I love to dance. 
I love to sit on the curb  and watch
the sunset.
I love to lay on the cool grass and just dream.

Dream of places I'd go.
The life I've had.
I think of people
and the beauty of their complexity
and good graces. 

I think of the divine hand that 
has in all of this. 

How he guides my life.

And doesn't want me to be in a cage, either.

Oh, to live.

I've learned in the last little while, 
that I make that choice. 

I choose to live. 

It is up to me to have a good attitude.
To make the changes that need to be made. 

I've pointed a finger or two. 
Saying that I'm the one who is hurt.
Why should I make the effort
to make things right?

There's every reason why I should. 

That's how it's supposed to be.
It's a grand design that all of us
forget too often. 

I, forget. 

I am so much happier when 
I am a big girl and

Not expect someone else 
to make my life better.

Have you ever thought of how wonderful
the ability to choose is?

The ability to feel pain and grief...
and joy and happiness?

Oh, the joy to feel pain.

Ha ha. 
YOU think I'm crazy.

But it's true.

For pain brings
the ability to know


Thank you, 
for letting my thoughts
find a place to rest, tonight.